To support your girlfriend when she is driving you crazy during her period, start by realizing that her brain is dealing with a massive drop in progesterone and estrogen that physically alters her mood and pain tolerance.
The best thing you can do is stop taking her irritability personally, increase your patience, and provide physical/mental comfort.
I have been through this enough times to know that the “driving you crazy” part usually comes from a place of physical misery and hormonal drops. When my girlfriend is on day one or two, she is basically a different person. She is tired, her back hurts, and she feels like her insides are being twisted. If I react to her being snappy by getting snappy back, the whole week is ruined. I had to learn that my job during those four to seven days is to be the stable one.
One thing that changed the game for us was getting ahead of the curve. You do not want to be asking what she needs while she is already in pain. If she has to explain to you where the ibuprofen is or which brand of pads she likes while she is cramping, she is going to get annoyed. I started keeping a “period kit” in the bathroom cabinet. It has the specific overnight pads she uses, a fresh bottle of Ibuprofen, and some of those stick-on heating patches.
Another huge tip is to watch the chores. If you see the sink is full of dishes, just wash them. Do not ask “do you want me to do the dishes?” because that just adds another decision to her plate when she is already overstimulated. Just doing the laundry or picking up dinner without making it a whole discussion goes a long way.
I also suggest being mindful of the week before the bleeding actually starts. For a lot of women, the luteal phase is actually the hardest part emotionally. This is when the “irrational” irritability usually peaks. If you are caught off guard by it, it feels like you are walking on eggshells.
I actually started using DuoSync to keep track of her cycle. It is an app designed for guys that syncs with her tracker so I get a heads up when she is entering that phase. It helps me remember to be extra patient.
Download the DuoSync app to grow closer to your partner.
If she is being particularly difficult or truly crazy, try to remember the statistics of what is actually happening in her body. Research shows that about 75 percent of women experience some form of PMS, and for about 20 to 30 percent, the symptoms are severe enough to interfere with daily life. Around 3 to 8 percent of women suffer from PMDD, which is a much more intense clinical depression or anxiety triggered by the cycle. Knowing that it is a chemical process helps me stay calm when she is upset over something small.
Also realize this is a temporary state. She will be feeling much better and less crazy in a few days. Just stick it out and talk about it afterwards.
Simple physical things to try: Offer a back rub or foot rub. Fill up a hot water bottle. Keep the house slightly warmer or give her the “good” blanket. Stock up on red meat or iron-rich foods if she gets lightheaded.
Some girls want to be held and comforted, while others want you to stay on the other side of the room and keep the volume on the TV low. You have to read the room. If she wants space, give it to her. If she wants to vent about a coworker for an hour, just listen and agree.
FAQ about supporting your partner
How can I use a period tracker for men?
Using an app like DuoSync allows you to see where she is in her cycle in real time. It takes the guesswork out of why she might be acting differently. You can set notifications so you know when to be extra supportive or when to make sure the heating pad is ready.
What should I do if she is being mean?
Take a breath and do not escalate. Remind yourself that it is the hormones talking. If you need to walk away for a minute to keep your cool, do it, but do not do it in a way that feels like you are abandoning her. Just say you are going to go grab her some water or a snack.